In the quest for rapid software delivery, DevOps principles are misapplied or skipped entirely, leading to a “DevOops culture.” In this talk we'll explore DevOps missteps through a satirical narrative where missteps and bad practices are presented as the path forward. To start, we’ll discuss deploying code the way of the masochist. This will include a convincing argument for detail-oriented change requests and late-night deployments to prevent any witnesses to our misdeeds. Following this, we will outline our project mismanagement philosophy for maintaining constant chaos: embracing siloes and eliminating feedback loops. Finally, we'll present why quality assurance is overrated and unnecessary. Instead, we'll present the benefits of zero testing and disabling quality and security tools – they are just like that “check engine” light in the car: useless and annoying. Together we’ll see how easy it is to establish the worst DevOps culture for modern software delivery: a DevOops culture! Or not. While this talk is tongue in cheek, we will see how to overcome these all-to-real mindsets. By the time we are done, we'll have navigated the treacherous waters of software misadventures with a wink and a smile so we can march forward, turning our ‘oopses’ into opportunities and our code catastrophes into triumphs.